God Bless Vanity and My Fat Ass

god bless vanity and my fat ass

God bless vanity and my fat ass.  

For this is how I found love that will always last.

Through the thick and thin of my ever changing size

I found Light behind the ego’s disguise.

Whoa.  That is A LOT of rhyming.  



Here is how it really went down.

Every time I tried to diet I got fatter.  The fatter I got.  The harder I tried.  And the harder I tried the more anxiety, more depression, more alone and hopeless I felt.  Until.   Somebody along the way told me if I raised my awareness, and found happiness, I would lose weight.  

I paused.  

WAIT A MINUTE!  Was it possible that I could self help my thighs into a smaller size?!?  Sign me up, Sister cause dieting was not working.  I was ready to find my happy.  And I was motivated.  

Everyday, all day I thought about how I was feeling. Was I happy?  Did I feel good?  How could I feel better?  Come on baby.  Let’s.Feel.Awesome.  Because awesome = skinny.  AND I WANT TO BE SKINNY.  

When I investigated how I was feeling, whatever the answer was I leaned in a little further to ask how could I take one tiny step toward feeling even better?  How could I be more present?

Feel better.  Find peace.  Feel better.  Find peace.  And...

Holy smokes.  I actually started to feel better.  

And the better I felt the more intentional I became on how I wanted to feel.  And the more intentional I became about my feelings the more taken care of I felt.  And when I felt taken care of I felt safe and relaxed into me and kinda started to like myself.  AND the more I liked myself….  Drum roll please.  The smaller my size.  

But the best part was.  I didn’t even care anymore.  I thought my ah-mazing-ness was just a given. Regardless of my weight, my relationship status, my bank account, or my job title.  

I ooozed OKness with myself.

When I let go of the outer world controls  and focused only on how I was FEELING…. Well, all be darned.  

Vanity really did lead me to a smaller version of my beloved fat ass.  But even better -- it led me to ME.

...and who wouldn't thank God for that?!

Know another Sister who can relate?!  Please share with her.  xxoo

god bless vanity and my fat ass